[ She. smiles? tries to smile. and then swallows. It's suddenly hard to speak. ]

I'm sorry. I probably should have said something myself.

[ but it. has been hard. and talking about it just makes it feel more real.... but at this point there's just no avoiding it, is there? ]

He would have hated something like this, I think. ... But I wish he could have come with me anyway. More than anyone else.

...

I probably wouldn't have deserved his company though. So perhaps...

[ she deserved this. ]